I was going to send out an email this morning to people who might read my blog, but then changed my mind because I think I might be overreacting to something and I would like some clarity. The reason I'm posting it here, you'll see in a minute.
I do not know how he found it, and I think he's been reading it longer than I originally thought. You might think, well, so what? And I guess that's true. So what? However, I never gave him the address, nor do I talk much about this one little compartmentalized part of my online life. I'm not that I ashamed or guilty about what I write, but nor do I want to have to think about what I'm writing as it might be judged by him, a man who is very, very smart and particular. He has said many times how stupid he thinks blogs and bloggers are, so by extension, he must be thinking the same of me, though he hasn't said it.
He's been very good to my girls and to my sister for many years. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and even if I asked him to refrain from reading, I could never be sure he wouldn't and that would affect how and what I write. It's like he broke the spell for me, and yes, I do realize how melodramatic that sounds.
Am I being ridiculous? Should I get a different blog, or stop blogging? What would you do? Why must this one little slice of my life collide with the others?
25 comments:
Am I being ridiculous?
--no you are not. I wouldn't like it if my b-i-l read my blog. If it was strictly a "how are you--I am fine family blog, then I'd give everyone a link and let 'em read it. IMO My blog is my business and I should be able to chose (for the most part) people who read it
Should I get a different blog, or stop blogging?
--a different blog--maybe. Should you stop? Hell no with a capital HELL
What would you do?
--I'd tell him that I didn't want him to read it and that it creeps me out to think he'd be online "searching" my screen name.
Why must this one little slice of my life collide with the others?
--everyone is entitled to have a little bit of life he/she keeps to himself.
Here's an interesting tidbit:
Every unusual noun or proper noun is searchable on the web. Anyone who types a screen name into a search window finds out on that first page where she lives and what her age is. Weird, huh?
Anyone who types in Treemonita finds not only your blog, but this blog site as well, and, of course, this latest post of yours. Just from your unusual name!
(I'm sure this is totally a coincidence: My word verification is matale. This is Spanish for 'kill him' in the second person singular imperative. But I'm certain these aren't instructions...)
You either have to be like Beanns, and not give a whit what people know about you, or you're like all the rest of us, thinking that we're only revealing certain parts or ourselves, and only to certain people. Which you now know is a fiction.
And just to fan the paranoia, your IP address can be used to not only reveal what city you're connection to the WWW is in, but also your GPS location by Long/Lat, and with these figures, you can tell Google Earth to show you what's there. It may not show exactly where your house is, or the Starbucks is you're using that day, but it'll be within a couple of square blocks.
Back to your B-i-L: Something is going on... No way should he be interested in what you're up to. Why would he look for you on the web? Why would he let you know he found you? His motivations in both instances deviate from normalcy, if you credit him with having his own life to live. Something's going on and this is a symptom.
Ghawd I love a good drama!!
It's very frustrating. I guess I'll think about it and decide what to do.
I think I would feel as conflicted as you do. Yes, you are entitled to a slice of privacy, but that's what locked journals are for. (Remind me to locate mine from my teenage years where I wrote bad poetry and hated my parents- I certainly don't want those discovered on my death by my children- it'll blow whatever regard they might have for me.) The thing I feel I read in your query is your fear of somehow not writing up to snuff for HIM. That is the part that I think troubles you the most, and no, this is your blog, you can appear as smart/ignorant and as opinionated/wishywashy and as scattered or collected as you want- all within the same blog. I think you are allowing your self doubt about how you appear to him taint this. Blogs are for both the reader and the writer, but it's the writer who gets to decide their content and style. All of us who read blogs are voyeurs to some extent, to the limit the author allows. I realize that my answer is more about blogging and maybe is of no help to you. Frankly, the fact that he reads your blog says to me that he finds you more fascinating than you find yourself. Go forth and blog.
"No way should he be interested in what you're up to. Why would he look for you on the web? Why would he let you know he found you? His motivations in both instances deviate from normalcy, if you credit him with having his own life to live. Something's going on and this is a symptom."
hmm. I concur
Oops, you said slice of life, not privacy- disregard that aspect of my answer.
no one i know in my real world, knows about my blog. they could probably find it if they wanted, but i don't advertise it. no one i work with knows my screen name. this is an outlet, and the seperation is fine with me.
i would keep blogging, but perhaps block it from anyone but those you want to read it.
.The only timeI ve worried about people reading my blog i was when my sister pretended to be my mother and asked me what I thought was playing at.Im sure my husband reads it toob but to be honest I no longer give a shit what people think about me , rarely can their opinion of me be lower than my own.
My guess is your Brother in law was bored one day at work and started googling the names of people in the family found your blog read it liked it and carried on reading it.
Ive googled people in my family at times of extreme boredom it's not sinister.If you don't want him to read it block everyone except your chosen readership, he wont ask you why
I think that is very creepy of him. Also, if he thinks all blogs and bloggers and blogging is stupid, then he is also calling himself stupid by reading them.
Perhaps you could create an entire blog entry aimed directly at him, asking him not to read your blog, and wait for him to come across it the next time he logs on to check your blog. That will nip it in the bud, I think.
I really don't care who reads my weblog, because I take the position that anything I put online (locked or not) is likely, eventually, to somehow became public. I don't advertise my blog address to most of my relatives (that, to me, seems a little pathetic), but I also don't care if they trip over it and read it.
Basically, don't put anything online that would embarrass you if you were running for office.
Lots of good thoughts from you all. I think I'll just wait and see. I don't want to do anything to hurt my relationship with my sister, first and foremost. We're all very private (though you wouldn't know it from the fact that I blog with you all) and I guess I just felt like it was an intrusion into something I'd made just for myself. So if by chance he comments over there, just ignore him. He probably won't, and if he ever brings the subject up, I'll tell him I was surprised that he'd be interested at all.
Sheila, you are spot on about the whole thing. I don't want to be judged by him for my reading selections, etc. But I could just be a grownup and brush it off just like I would if it were someone I didn't know.
If you were a grown up, we wouldn't be able to play with you.
It would be nice if Mumpsie were right, and he was just bored one day. But it's too simple an explanation. If you lie down with fleas, you're probably a dog...
blogging is an odd beast. i think it is the chance for some feedback from people who are able to be totally honest in their opinion because of our relationships, that makes it attractive. it is not like writing in a journal, where no one else will see it and be able to comment on it and give you a thumbs up or down. it is like an instant penpal. but someone who lives far away and doesn't judge you but just offers a word of encouragment or praise.(most of the time). you are able to say things that you wouldn't want a sister or brother or mother or father or even husband to see if you didn't want them to. i can understand trees distress.
This is one reason I don't have a blog right now. I don't think any of my relations would find it, but just in case they might, I don't want any of them to know how I really feel about anything-since I'm the blacksheep of the family.
Well, as Bert said, I blog everything and don't really care what ppl think of it. But on the other hand, my blog doesn't come up if you google my real name and no one IRL knows me by Beanns, so it's sort of private. I would be bothered by it, but I also think he could have just been randomly googling different names, I do that with family & friends names all the time at work. I do like being able to blog about anything I want without ppl I know getting their panties in a wad over it, so I understand why you want it kept as private as possible.
I would absolutely hate it if certain people found out about my blog. It would probably make me stop.
My sister is the only "real" person who knows about it, and I'd like to keep it that way. Like you, I wouldn't want to have to worry about what I say there. It's nice to have that outlet.
Hang on a second. I can understand the guy might be a bit weird but why (sonya.schell,others) put what you prefer to be private in a completely public forum? Your blog is basically a free public newspaper available to anyone who cares to look it up. If you want privacy post a restricted blog is such a thing exists and I suppose it does, allan
I don't Blog and so don't have much right or much new to add here. But I'd very much side with Sheila and say this doesn't feel so much like a privacy issue as it does of some conflict you have with your sister's partner and/or what he represents to you. (I mean, if it were my or Bert's or Alex's BIL, I don't think we'd be talking here.) For me, it's always irksome, but only sometimes telling, just who or what it is I allow under my skin, to disrupt and controll me a bit, all the while somehow seeking their approval, so that I have to re-visit what it is I think and know. So there at least three options left here. You can quit blogging as we know it, ie go elsewhere, change your name, block his access. You can work harder and make your blog better and more impressive as to change this man's opinion of it. Or you can take away from the conflict, big or small as it is, just enough to not care what this person or anyone thinks about your blogging. As is usual, there seems to me something gained and lost in each of the choices.
My shelf blog isn't listed in any way with my own name. So one, I would think, could expect some measure of anonymity. When I google my own name, none of my shelf life is part of that record. One would either have had to been on my computer at some point, or the like, to have been able to find it. As I said before, I'm not writing anything to be ashamed about, except a tendency toward being self-involved. It's the idea that I am really not writing for "the world." I'm writing with a specific audience, i.e., people I've known from a specific strata for over ten years. If I were writing for the world, there would be different topics and a different sensibility. The real world would probably not get me, and that's my whole point.
Ded, I appreciate your thoughts. I'm probably going to let inertia settle in and do nothing right now. No sense in reacting too quickly. I just wanted to discuss it and couldn't discuss it where I wanted to.
I live off inertia, myself.
" . . .except a tendency toward being self-involved."
TRee, it's your blog, which gives you the right to be self-involved
i agree with emma and tree. the people that read my blog have privy to more of my private thoughts than anyone who knows me in the real world. freaky? yes. reality? yes.
i don't care what people who read my ramblings at my blog think. i've said some pretty out-there stuff about my family over the years, but damn if it isn't al true. they all belong to myspace and facebook (gag) and partake of the mormonic behavior found there. when they ask me to join, i usually say "no thanks, i'm older than 16" and leave it at that. that all said, i'd hate for them to visit my blog on a regular basis. if they want to talk to me, they can call me. I agree with spidey about people online having a bit more insight as to my thoughts and who i "really" am than some people who i am related to. if i had wanted to become that close to them, then i would have in real life without inviting them in.
tree, i think you're smart and enjoy your blog. i don't care what the b-i-l thinks of you and you probably shouldn't care what we or he thinks of you or what you read and then write about. life is too short and you're making too much leeway into your big plan to make your life simple to go and junk it all up with this pleasing everybody stuff. if you start trying to make this man happy, then you'll start trying to make everyone happy again, and i think 10 years at the shelf should have taught you how impossible that is, if nothing else.
jilly
Jilly, you're right about not pleasing everyone. I hadn't looked at it that way.
I do like Facebook, though. It helps me keep up with my kids and I have a lot of poets and other writer friends there. And there's fake scrabble.
Post a Comment