Thursday, April 29
Tuesday, April 27
The last prom i went to was 3 years ago with my best friends for the school i worked at. They played 2 slow songs all night and most of the dancing looked like an odd mixture of seizures and sex, but uglier.
From Late Night:
Top Ten Thoughts That Went Through George W. Bush's Mind As He Wrote His Memoirs
Monday, April 26
Sunday, April 25
i spent the entire weekend with the tv off, finishing this book in two days. i highly recommend it. i especially think that orbie would enjoy it as its background involves theater. it is one of those stories with another story going on at the same time, but not hard to follow. there are characters intertwined in a most unusual,heartbreaking way.
and now, since i am in the reading mood, i will attack another of the many i have tucked away.
Saturday, April 24
Tuesday, April 20
Monday, April 19
Sunday, April 18
Friday, April 16
Wednesday, April 14
today was a sad day in my town. a 5 year old girl was with with her mom, auntie and brother. she was riding her little bike and hopped off of it to push it through an intersection in front of the village hall with her mom at her side. a 59 year old woman turned right at the intersection(3 way stop) and plowed into the two of them, rolling the mother on to the hood and into the windshield and riding over the little girl. she then proceeded another 50 to 75 feet down the street before she stopped saying she didnt know she hit something. all i can say is WTF????? at what point do you not know someone just hit your windshield? or that you just road over a child??? the child was dead at the scene. the mom will be released from the hospital tonight.
so here is what freaks me out about this. you get up in the morning. you decide to take your daughter and son for a walk on a beautiful sunny warm spring day, and you come home that night without one of them because of the carelessness and stupidity of someone else. life is a fucking crap shoot.
I brought a cooler I have to the party. it's made for taking a picinic for around 4 people someplace for the day, it's like a very large vinyl lunch box. In it I put my fruit, salad, fish, sandwhich flat, flat-out wrap, cheese, low fat pepperoni,crackers, dressing, beverages, and some sweet snacks. I knew I'd be there for at least 2 meals and that it was going to be warm and sunny.
My sister had a fruit salad (we don't put any sugar or sugar subsititue on fruit), which i ate some of. She also had a deli tray. I like to avoid these because processed meat is full of "i don't know what." I did eat some of the pickles though and veggies from the veggie tray went into my BIGASS salad. I eat one BIGASS salad a day and chose to eat it at the party to prevent temptation. I make myself take at least an hour to eat it and I have to put the fork down between bites and chew at least 20 times and take a drink before I can have more. It seems like a lot, and it was at first, and I felt stupid, but now I just do it and I feel better and allow my body time to process what I'm eating and to tell me when I've had enough. I try to focus on spending time while eating, not eating while spending time. Rarely do I eat until I'm full these days, full is bad. Everything in my cooler-tote was pre measured and accounted for. It takes me a LONG time to eat. Also, I've learned that hungry isn't a bad feeling, it's a good tool and we shouldn't be afraid of hungry. Hard to imagine in our society, we're taught to fear hunger and stuff it full before it hits us again.
In reality. my family look like a bunch of weebles, and they look like this for a reason. They know how they're supposed to eat and how active they should be, they just choose not to. I say this because we spent a good amount of time talking about the obesity issues in our family and all of my aunts talked about what they need to do, and all of it was spot on. These women know what they need to do, and not only do they not do it, but they didn't teach their children what should be done either. I had to activly seek out help last June in order to figure out what works for me. Most of my relatives just don't want to do it. That's okay, for them, but not for me. In reality, i think most plans will work, if you stick to them and find a way to live that way long-term and be happy.
When one states they're changing their life (for the better) people will doubt and sabotage. Several people were food "pushers" tyring to get me to try cream cheese dip for the fruit, or "real" ranch dressing for my salad, to eat "just a taste" of the birthday cake etc. These people probably don't even realize they're pushing food, like a drug dealer pushes drugs, but they are. I'm lucky I don't have a job, because several of my friends go through this all day every day at work. I dont know if it's a case of jealousy or misery loves company? People are resistant to change.
What I'm starting to get now is "Jillian, you've lost enough weight, stop now before you get sick." At a size 8/10 and 5'6", I'm nowhere near the "sickly" side of weight loss, and i don't have a star jones giant head either. My body is mostly proportionate, sure there's some saggy skin, oh well. I'm open that I'm trying for another 30 lbs. I don't have a time limit on it, i'm just taking it one day at a time and sticking to a pretty intenst work out schedule. I will run 45 miles by the end of April if I stick to my schedule and will hit 100 mils before the end of June. I do 7 hours of intense activity a week. I choose to do this and know I could settle for light or moderate activity and still lose weight, but I want to achieve physical fitness, not just "thin." I really want to be healthy and teach my daughter to be halthy too. That means she has to see mommy work it, and working it hard quite often.
My sister was a little catty about my cooler at first, but after a bit she backed off. She has an extrme thyroid condition which causes her to constantly gain weight and makes it almost impossible to lose weight. It's hard, and she's decided to use this as an excuse to just give in and be REALLY fat, not just fat but fat like Ruby used to be. That's her choice. I feel for her, and I can't imagine how hard that must be, but I refuse to settle on the status quo our family is attached to. It's a small bit of genetics and a large bit of lifestyle. I have no control over how many fat cells I got and where they landed, but I can control everything i put in my mouth and how often i get off my ass, for low long and how hard i work. I need to control me, because I can.
one woman at the weight loss website remarked that she felt so bad because she ate an entire box of skinny cow and was afraid to get weighed that week. I'm a mom, and it's my job to portion out food for my child. If I wouldn't let my child eat a WHOLE BOX of skinny cow, how can I justify that for me? If I know better for her, I know better for me. If she a) sat at the sofa with the whole box, how did she think that was okay? or b) did she get up every commercial and go to the fridge for an ice cream? That's just as bad and should have set off as many alarm bells as the previous case.
Anyway, that's enough of my ranting. I took my food and I'm not sorry about it. I didn't make a big deal or get angry when people tried to get me to eat food I can't/don't want, nor did I sit there and sigh or make faces at what others were eating. It's not my job to try and convert other people to a better lifestly, but if they ask, I'm willing to talk about my experiences and offer support.
Tuesday, April 13
Monday, April 12
I want to thank the folks who have worked so hard to help out but, I don't feel that I should thank him. I feel that he should have to put in the long hours to fix his mistakes but adding to the issue is the fact that he doesn't accept responsibility for his mistakes, has never apologized for his mistakes, nor has he thanked the folks who helped him to fix the mistakes.
So, how awful of a boss would I be if I took them out to lunch to thank them but didn't invite him? I don't feel he should be rewarded for making mistakes and then for having to fix them.
Sunday, April 11
Friday, April 9
I packed a small salad (1 diced cuke, 2 diced carrots, 2 diced celery stalks, 1 cup lettuce mix) with 2T light dressing on the side, an orange, an apple, 1c strawberries, some high fiber low-fat bread, some talapia, 1 light laughing cow cheese wedge, 1 fat free cupcake, 24 special-K tomato basil crackers, 17 pc low fat pepperoni, and some ice tea (they only drink regular pepsi). we're going to be there for several hours and i don't want to be tempted to eat the bad stuff. The last family function i went to, the only thing i could eat was the stuffing which i brought.
What would your attitude be? Am I being unreasonable or rude by bringing my own food to someone else's home?
Thursday, April 8
WASHINGTON—Citing a mutually shared vision of health care in America, congressional Republicans and the deadly bone-marrow cancer leukemia announced a joint effort Wednesday to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, the historic new bill that extends health benefits to 32 million Americans nationwide.
"Republicans have no greater ally in this fight than leukemia," said Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC), who was flanked by Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH), and the abnormal increase in white blood cells. "Denying insurance to Americans with preexisting conditions and ensuring that low-income Americans stand no chance of receiving quality health care are just a few of the core beliefs that the GOP and leukemia share."
Saturday, April 3
From us to you.
This is Mandolin at the Easter Egg hunt on Saturday. There were many kids and few eggs. One man helped Mandolin "find" and egg that he secretly took out of his son's basket when he noticed that several kids had 10 or more eggs and many kids had none. When the man's son noticed he had one eggs less, the man looked at the boy and said "Easter is about giving something away to other people and sharing." It was a nice gesture. Mandolin wasn't upset at having no eggs, and neither was I, but she loved the free pony ride prize inside the egg.
I hope someone shares something sweet with you.