Spidey and orbie had a great conversation about expectations of mother's day. i think it was at orb's blog. I don't have many expectations for holiday occasions anymore, that's part of being an adult. However, and there's always a however it seems, my guy spent most of the day telling me what an awesome surprise he had for me. therefore, i suddenly had expectations. i love surprises. i was never surprised growing up. it was always my job to help my mom christmas shop because i can keep my mouth shut. one year my mom took one of my sisters instead so i could have a surprise, and she told everyone what they got ahead of time.
i get excited when there's a surprise for me. i can't help it. So expectations were mounting all day. i sat through several hours of dinner with my guy's parents at a buffet place. I was ready for my great expectations to be met at this point. when i got my surprise, it wasn't a present for me, it was a present for him. he bought a cordless mouse which i have no need for, but he does. i didn't even smile, i just said "thanks" and put it back in the plastic staples bad. he didn't even put it in a gift bag.
i agree with orb and maybe for now on i should just get mandolin a gift, because she's the reason i get to be a mom, and not expect anything for me even when i'm told to. i plan to return the cordless mouse tomorrow and maybe buy myself or the baby something instead.
on another note, he sent my mom two dozen roses even though i haven't talked to my mom in months, so at least someone got a lovely surprise without any expectations.
6 comments:
you need to sit him down and have a little chat.
Girl, you do NOT smile and say thanks for something that thoughtless. He needs to know that he hurt you. It's not fair to him not to tell him. Don't be passive aggressive, just tell him right to his face that you were excited and expected something thoughtfully chosen for YOU.
good grief, Jilly
Spidey and Verbie are right.
How disappointed you must have been! I'm so sorry.
Wow Jilly, I know he loves you, but that was horribly selfish and disappointing. I agree with the ladies, tell him how you feel, otherwise it's likely to happen again at some point and you deserve better.
we had a long chat without guilt and yelling. these last two were important to me. i have less of a stomach for yelinag as i age. and i'm trying to be someone different than my mom, so no guilt buffets either, just the cold hard facts laid bare.
i think he had really no idea how terrible saturday was for me. on sunday we went to the store and returned the mouse and i got my new camera instead. i didn't want to be an ungrateful shrew about the whole thing though.
we did talk about these non holiday holiday occasions being limited to dinner out together (without our parents) and a greeting card of some sort to eliminate future problems (mostly on his part).
for my birthday, i have given a list with matching pictures of sales paper ads glued on it to my girlfriends so that they can take him shopping. why didn't i think of that sooner?
jilly
Good for you, Jilly! If I'd learned some non-confrontational communication skills when I was your age, I'd have a happier marriage today.
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