Wednesday, April 14

Follow up: the party for Tree

I brought a cooler I have to the party. it's made for taking a picinic for around 4 people someplace for the day, it's like a very large vinyl lunch box. In it I put my fruit, salad, fish, sandwhich flat, flat-out wrap, cheese, low fat pepperoni,crackers, dressing, beverages, and some sweet snacks. I knew I'd be there for at least 2 meals and that it was going to be warm and sunny.

My sister had a fruit salad (we don't put any sugar or sugar subsititue on fruit), which i ate some of. She also had a deli tray. I like to avoid these because processed meat is full of "i don't know what." I did eat some of the pickles though and veggies from the veggie tray went into my BIGASS salad. I eat one BIGASS salad a day and chose to eat it at the party to prevent temptation. I make myself take at least an hour to eat it and I have to put the fork down between bites and chew at least 20 times and take a drink before I can have more. It seems like a lot, and it was at first, and I felt stupid, but now I just do it and I feel better and allow my body time to process what I'm eating and to tell me when I've had enough. I try to focus on spending time while eating, not eating while spending time. Rarely do I eat until I'm full these days, full is bad. Everything in my cooler-tote was pre measured and accounted for. It takes me a LONG time to eat. Also, I've learned that hungry isn't a bad feeling, it's a good tool and we shouldn't be afraid of hungry. Hard to imagine in our society, we're taught to fear hunger and stuff it full before it hits us again.

In reality. my family look like a bunch of weebles, and they look like this for a reason. They know how they're supposed to eat and how active they should be, they just choose not to. I say this because we spent a good amount of time talking about the obesity issues in our family and all of my aunts talked about what they need to do, and all of it was spot on. These women know what they need to do, and not only do they not do it, but they didn't teach their children what should be done either. I had to activly seek out help last June in order to figure out what works for me. Most of my relatives just don't want to do it. That's okay, for them, but not for me. In reality, i think most plans will work, if you stick to them and find a way to live that way long-term and be happy.

When one states they're changing their life (for the better) people will doubt and sabotage. Several people were food "pushers" tyring to get me to try cream cheese dip for the fruit, or "real" ranch dressing for my salad, to eat "just a taste" of the birthday cake etc. These people probably don't even realize they're pushing food, like a drug dealer pushes drugs, but they are. I'm lucky I don't have a job, because several of my friends go through this all day every day at work. I dont know if it's a case of jealousy or misery loves company? People are resistant to change.

What I'm starting to get now is "Jillian, you've lost enough weight, stop now before you get sick." At a size 8/10 and 5'6", I'm nowhere near the "sickly" side of weight loss, and i don't have a star jones giant head either. My body is mostly proportionate, sure there's some saggy skin, oh well. I'm open that I'm trying for another 30 lbs. I don't have a time limit on it, i'm just taking it one day at a time and sticking to a pretty intenst work out schedule. I will run 45 miles by the end of April if I stick to my schedule and will hit 100 mils before the end of June. I do 7 hours of intense activity a week. I choose to do this and know I could settle for light or moderate activity and still lose weight, but I want to achieve physical fitness, not just "thin." I really want to be healthy and teach my daughter to be halthy too. That means she has to see mommy work it, and working it hard quite often.

My sister was a little catty about my cooler at first, but after a bit she backed off. She has an extrme thyroid condition which causes her to constantly gain weight and makes it almost impossible to lose weight. It's hard, and she's decided to use this as an excuse to just give in and be REALLY fat, not just fat but fat like Ruby used to be. That's her choice. I feel for her, and I can't imagine how hard that must be, but I refuse to settle on the status quo our family is attached to. It's a small bit of genetics and a large bit of lifestyle. I have no control over how many fat cells I got and where they landed, but I can control everything i put in my mouth and how often i get off my ass, for low long and how hard i work. I need to control me, because I can.

one woman at the weight loss website remarked that she felt so bad because she ate an entire box of skinny cow and was afraid to get weighed that week. I'm a mom, and it's my job to portion out food for my child. If I wouldn't let my child eat a WHOLE BOX of skinny cow, how can I justify that for me? If I know better for her, I know better for me. If she a) sat at the sofa with the whole box, how did she think that was okay? or b) did she get up every commercial and go to the fridge for an ice cream? That's just as bad and should have set off as many alarm bells as the previous case.

Anyway, that's enough of my ranting. I took my food and I'm not sorry about it. I didn't make a big deal or get angry when people tried to get me to eat food I can't/don't want, nor did I sit there and sigh or make faces at what others were eating. It's not my job to try and convert other people to a better lifestly, but if they ask, I'm willing to talk about my experiences and offer support.


Mrs. Tree said...

I'm so proud of you for figuring all this stuff about yourself and what you want and how you feel now. I'm very motivated by your determination. I am not able to run, but I did walk 77 miles in March and hope to match that in April. And like you, I don't have a timetable. I just want to make a little progress every day. (Thanks for writing this post.)

Catz said...

Good for you,Jillybean.I'm not able to run but I walk. I take things slow. Just little by little every day.

Haven't lost all I want but have maintained what I lost.

vq said...

Great post, Jilly. I am really proud of you.

I was thinking about you the other day, and how you have all these "mamas" from the old Shelf who feel like they helped raise you. And you are doing your many "mamas" very proud, indeed!

(And at the rate my two are going, Mandolin is going to be my only "grandchild." I'm proud of her, too!)

Jilly said...

you can all be her granmammas she needs them!

: )

Tree 77 miles! i'm envious of you.

i don't really run, just kina trot and pray that i can keep at it

UrbanStarGazer said...

Good for you. Well done.

sparky said...

You look great!