In one of my classes we have a girl who has trisomy 21 (known commonly as Down Syndrome). She is sweet, and has yet to act out in inappropriate ways in our class (mostly because she likes me). Her parents are in strong denial about her abilities and swear that she's going to go to a 4 year college and get a degree, and if asked, state that it's Harvard. Anyway, today some of our "normal" children went nuts and had a rather large fight, once i got that cleaned up, i found her on the other side of the room crying hysterically. It had nothing to do with the fight, but the fight didn't help. I took her out to find out what was going on, and on the way out, I noticed several students fake crying at her and making fun of her.
I pushed it off to the side and dealt with her problem and we went back to class. When we came back, the same students started in on her right away. I took a deep breath and decided to make some calls later. She is mentally retarded, everyone can see that, but she is still human, has rights and feelings and knows they'remaking fun of her, and it doesn't hurt any less because she is m.r. After school I sat and thought about how my mom would have reacted if she'd gotten a call saying that I was picking on mentally retarded kids for kicks. I think the response would have been to a) beat me until i was retarded or b) sign me up as a volunteer working with m.r. kids every free second i had until i got over myself after somehow making me wish my life was over via some elaborate show in front of all my peers. I get my evil petty streak from her.
So I've been sitting here, pondering what to say to these kids. If i had my way I'd say:
"I feel so bad for you, that you are so small you feel good making someone who is profoundly disabeled cry. That seems to be the only way that you yourself can feel important. That's a pretty low place to be, and I hope that you can work your way out of there, or you learn to keep it to yourself because the rest of us don't need it and no one deserves it."
Now I can't say that, we're only allowed to use PC crap to deal with issues like this. Since I'm unsure what else to say to them, once I get started, i'll probably go off the deep end, I've asked someone else to come in and do it. I plan for it to happen after my co-teacher and I let it be known how ashamed of them we are in general. My co-teacher is a nice person, but this is her first year out and i'm still potty training her, and if i'm afraid to say the wrong thing, it's a sure bet she would.
6 comments:
They need to be shamed to the very depth of their souls. However you can word things in a PC way to shame them deeply, that's what you need to do. Anger and punishment won't work with smug little jerks like that. You need to make them feel about an inch tall.
Rather than a phone call, I think I would write a letter to the parents, and I think I would see if I could place that letter in each child's file if you didn't get a positive response from parents,, ie, this is unacceptable, etc. Kids are entitled to make mistakes and to go along with the crowd. But they need to be called on it, big time. This is a time for learning about all sorts of things and one of those is to not abuse (in any fashion) those who may have some misfortune you don't. If they are contrite, then you forgive and forget. Totally.
i think the fact that she is learning disabled shouldn't even be mentioned to the kids. they need to learn to treat everyone with respect regardless of what the situation is. my father once told me that we all have disabilities. some are more apparent than others.
kids are little shits and they have to be shamed into compassion. i think i would have them all write a one page essay on something that they are ashamed of or something they don't like about themselves and then read it in front of the class. for instance... johnny has lots of zits... lets talk about it. shelly wears glasses. how does that make her feel? make them vulnerable and see how they like it.
sheila and spidey, while at first glance those appear to be decent ideas, that's how you get fired and nasty people harass you in the newspaper. we're really limited in what we can say and how students can be dealt with when they're horrible people.
while my first instinct is to punish them, punishment does nothing and makes things worse every time, and has the added bonus of getting me fired. i agree that they need to be shamed, but i'm not the person to do it. i'm so close to it that i'll cross a line.
Spidey, the only reason i'd mention her disability is because a) that's why they were picking on her and b) people should stop ignoring the fact she has a disability and get over it. everyone in this child's lie pretends that she doesn't have trisomy 21, and it puts a lot of pressure on her and causes her to act out.
she doesn't act out with me because I don't tolerate it, and i treat her like a person, so she likes me. when we pretend someone doesn't have a disability when they obviously do, we take part of their humanity away. there is a difference in mentioning the disability and educating people about the disability than ignorming it. ignorning it leads to ignorance and often bullying.
What really gets me is that almost everyone else in the room as an IEP (sp ed disability) or a 504 (an ADA disability). They should all realize that they have no room to talk about someone else.
I deeply wish for these kids in the class to see this girl as a human and as such, entitled to the full rights and freedoms as a human and that will only happen if they give her a chance and are taught about differences. there really isn't anything wrong with being different. i don't understand why we're so scared of it.
jilly
Doesn't your school system/school/classroom have a written policy of what constitutes actionable behavior and what the consequences are? If you are worried about the potential for somehow stepping over the line, wouldn't it pay to get either your principal or vice principal involved or at least sit in when the kids are being talked too? Or refer it to them and let them handle it entirely? Are these the folks you are going to have handle it?
I understand your reluctance to get in the middle of this. I'd likely make the situation worse myself. Isn't there there someone on staff to help with the matter? Other teachers? The principal? A school pyschologist? Seems to me a group effort would provide the best ideas as well as protect you.
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